Make Yourself At Home
by Mellifluity
Summary: Modern AU: In which The Gang go to IKEA to acquire furnishings for their new shared house. (Ficlet/One-Shot)


"Allan, for pity's sake, get off the bed!" Djaq hissed from across the room. "You're not meant to lie down on it!"

Will looked up from his careful examination of the dresser. Allan was sprawled out on the crisply-made bed, grinning madly at the art-deco light fixture hanging over his head. Will shook his head bemusedly, half-hiding a smile. Allan winked at him and propped himself up on his elbows.

"Bollocks!" he replied. Djaq sighed. "Look, I'm not bein' funny, but what are they all set up for like this if they're not meant to be tested? Eh?" He raised his eyebrows at her in mock-defiance. She folded her arms and eyed him disapprovingly as he reclined against the pillows, put his hands behind his head, and closed his eyes blissfully. "Quite nice, this. I could do with one of these."

Djaq rolled her eyes, turning back to Will to discuss his assessment of the quality of the dresser. While they were busy talking, Allan caught a passing glance of a flash of familiar fabric. "Oi! Robin!" he called out, prompting Djaq to glower at him over her shoulder. "We're in here!"

Robin poked his head around the faux wall, taking in the bedroom scene before him and chuckling with amusement. "Allan," he groaned, "what are you doing?"

Allan grinned at him. "Just doing my bit to make the product look inviting!" He spread his hands wide in a gesture of welcome. "Welcome to our humble abode! Make yourself at home. What do you think? Will it suit?"

Robin took a look around, nodding at Will and Djaq, who had paused in their examination of the dresser at the sound of his voice. "Not bad! But only if it comes complete with the lovely floor model reclining so invitingly on the bed." He winked at Allan.

"Don't encourage him!" Djaq scolded, before turning back to the dresser.

Robin laughed, making his way over to the bed. "Comfy, is it?" he asked, poking the mattress to test it.

Allan scooted over and patted the empty space next to him. "There's only one way to find out," he whispered, cheekily waggling his eyebrows.

Robin shot a furtive glance at Will and Djaq and then flopped down unceremoniously on the bed next to Allan. They both giggled.

Djaq didn't miss a beat. "Robin!" came the exasperated cry.

Robin grinned at her sheepishly. "Well, you don't know unless you try, eh?" He turned to Allan. "It is pretty comfy. Would be even better if you weren't in it, though."

"I was here first," Allan pointed out.

"Fair enough."

Djaq threw her hands up in the air and turned her back on them, cuffing Will on the shoulder when he kept looking over his shoulder and smirking.

"Where's Much?" Allan asked, plumping his pillow with a practiced hand.

"Oh, I left him in the kitchens department," Robin said, rubbing his hand tiredly across his face. "I was growing a bit weary of hearing about the glories of modern appliances. 'AMAZING. This is absolute GENIUS. Would you LOOK at THAT, Robin! Well, I NEVER.' I mean, they're _refrigerators_, right?" He rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I was getting a bit worried that I'd never find you lot. This place is massive! Everything starts to look the same, you know? I told Much we'd come find him when we're done browsing for furniture. With any luck, he'll still be looking at refrigerators."

Allan chuckled and shook his head. "Oh, Much. Well, he'll be occupied for a good long while, then. And I'm quite happy to stay right where I am all afternoon. In fact," (he raised his voice slightly, putting exaggerated emphasis on each word) "_if Will needs more time to run his furniture diagnostics, I'd be quite happy to stay here all night_. Just sayin'."

"Perhaps it would go faster if you two did something _useful_, rather than lie about," Djaq chided, pulling a drawer out and pushing it back in rather harder than she needed to.

"It looks good to me," Will said, running his hand across the top of the dresser. "I mean, not the highest quality, obviously, but good enough for the price. Relatively simple to put together, too, even for folks who don't really have any experience." He picked up the specifications tag to check something. "Not a bad system, really. All you need to assemble it is an Allen wrench."

Robin snorted. "An Allan-wench?" he repeated. "Well, we've got one of those!" He clapped Allan on the shoulder and guffawed.

"WRENCH," repeated Will emphatically, trying - and failing - to suppress a grin. "An ALLEN WRENCH."

"Oi!" Allan replied indignantly. "Who are you calling a wench?!" The affronted look on his face sent both Robin and Will into peals of laughter. Even the corners of Djaq's mouth twitched.

"You so much as said so yourself," Robin pointed out. "You told me you were trying to make the bed look inviting, did you not?"

Allan's mouth opened and closed as he tried to think of a come-back, but nothing came to him. Finally, he laid back on the pillows and folded his arms sulkily over his chest. "Well, don't expect this wench to do all the work for you, alright? Because we all know that's not going to happen."

"What's an Allen wrench?" Djaq asked, trying to redirect the conversation to the business at hand.

"It's a tool," Will replied, glancing meaningfully in the direction of the bed. "Bit useless, to be honest, unless you're using it to put together IKEA furniture."

"Oi! YOU CALLING ME A TOOL?!" Allan roared, sending Robin and Will into fits of giggles again. Djaq glanced back and forth between them, looking lost. "USELESS, AM I? YEAH? WELL, I'LL SHOW YOU JUST HOW USELESS I AM!" Allan leapt up from the bed. Will and Robin just laughed harder.

"What's so funny?" Little John's gruff voice cut through the laughter. He had appeared out of nowhere and stood, towering in the mock doorway, surveying the scene before him, looking not at all amused.

"Nothing," Robin gasped, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Well, if you lot are done faffing about," Little John growled, "I say we get what we came for and get out of here. Crowds I DO NOT LIKE."

"Do we know what we want to order, then?" Robin asked. Will nodded. "Alright, then. Sherwood Lodge awaits its furnishings. Let's go see if we can't tear Much away from the refrigerators." He hopped up from the bed and looked around at the gang. "Then there will be only one thing left to do."

"Oh, I know that look," Allan said with a moan. "He's about to say something _motivational_."

Robin grinned at him. "Indeed. When we get home, there will only be one thing left to do," he repeated, pausing again for effect. "Outlaws…ASSEMBLE!"

The resulting chorus of groans could be heard clear to the kitchens department.


End file.
